Thursday, January 18, 2007

This is Who I Am

I like to say this quite a bit:
"That's the great thing about issues, everybody has them."
A former friend of mine, who had a masters degree in psychology, hated when I said this. I think she truly wanted to believe she'd conquered all her demons and that it was everyone else who had problems. Really, I don't know what it was about but it was annoying.

I'm pretty unapologetic about who I am. I always have been and suspect I always will be... this is not to say that I believe I'm perfect or better than anyone else. I'm pretty aware of the majority of my issues and it's a long list to be sure. While I have been aware for a long time, I haven't been overly happy or comfortable with myself. Like everyone else, I have had many moments where I feel there's something wrong with me, that I should change, that I really don't deserve much love or respect, and all the rest of that crap. I tend to be very internal… with these kinds of thoughts especially. I think this tends to give the impression that nothing ever bothers me or that I am overly critical of others. Whatever, eh?

You cannot control what people think of you, only what you think of yourself. Plus, if you’re not careful and dwell on it too much, you can let what other people think of you control you. People will always want to put you in a box or explain you with a few sweeping generalizations. It makes them feel better. But, you're usually your own worst critic so why let even more crap in? Just a thought.

I am feeling pretty good about life right now. And, I’m becoming more and more comfortable with who I am. I’m not exactly sure when or how this shift in thinking took place but I welcome it. I look around at my life and I feel incredibly thankful for my family, my friends and my job. I have an especially awesome group of friends at this point in my life. Are they perfect? Hell. No. And they don’t pretend to be. But they are, for the most part, shockingly self-aware. I think this makes them better friends. I can be honest with them about my issues and vice versa. There are things that drive me crazy about each one of them and vice versa. But when it comes down to it, they have been there for me and I hope they can say the same about me. They make me laugh and let me cry (or not cry) and they help me not take it all so seriously and I love them (this is getting very touchy-feely… sorry).

You’re thinking, “What the hell is all of this about? This is very uncharacteristic of Miss Mia.” That’s totally what you’re thinking, right? Yeah, because it’s what I’ve been thinking the whole time I’ve been writing this. I’m not sure I had a point; it’s all just a lead up to some future posts.

Lately, I’ve been reading a lot about myself. What does that mean? Well, there’s astrology, personology, psychology and so much more. And every one of them has an opinion about me. It’s always interesting just how much of myself I see in some of these descriptions. I thought maybe I’d share some of them (and my opinions of them, of course) with you in the near future. In the meantime, I will leave you with the words of two very wise people:
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind." – Dr. Suess
"This is who I am, you can like it or not. You can love me or leave me, cause I’m never gonna stop." - Madonna