Monday, April 30, 2007


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Friday, April 27, 2007

That's What Hippie Mantras Are For

I've been letting all of my frustrations with life out lately. Unfairly for the people around me, it's come out it in the foulest of foul moods. And it's just stupid. Being all Queen Bitch isn't gonna get me anywhere and it's just makes my mood worse in the end. Because then I just end up feeling bad. Whether or not my peeps understand my stress, it's still no reason to bring them down. That's hard to remember when you're feeling so crappy... you're like "wtf? why isn't everyone feeling like this?"

The reality of it is, they probably are in their own way & about their own things. Everyone's almost always got something to feel crappy about - relationships, family, work, money - whatever. What's good to remember is that most people mean well... I'm certainly not all pissy because I don't give a shit about anything or anyone. But it's still no excuse. I think things just get misinterpreted most of the time. You think someone doesn't understand you or where you're coming from and, 9 times out of 10, that person probably feels the same way. And it's totally possible that you're both right. But like I said before, being a bitch isn't gonna help.

So, as I was trying to chill out on my couch earlier, I decided to just suck it up & deal. Get out of my little funk and put on a happy face. I mean, I'll never be all sunshiny & bright, that's just not me. But I can be pretty outwardly chill... even about things I'm internally freaked by. And that's what I have a hippie mantra for, right? It's never as bad as it seems. And it usually all works out, one way or another, in the end. At least in my experience. So, if you see me in a corner with my eyes closed talking to myself... I haven't gone crazy. In fact, I'm trying very hard not to lose whatever sanity I started with. I'll just be thinking:

It will all come together
It will all come together
It will all come together
It will all come together
It will all come together
It will all come together
It will all come together
It will all come together
It will all come together
It will all come together

Plus, I have some good outlets... vodka & tequila. HAHAHA... Just kidding!! I mean great friends who seem to be ever so patient hearing about my life stresses. I hope I'm as equally helpful for them.

Oh, and I have a little bundle of cuteness who can almost always make me smile. Even when he's just laying around, bringing the stink....

Oh, the Cuteness!!

Saturday, April 21, 2007

Out & About

So, lest anyone start to think I don't leave my house at all since Goyle arrived... last night I finally got out and saw a movie. Yea! I saw "The Namesake," which I thought was really beautiful. I liked it so much that I feel bad that it didn't get the money I spent on the movie. They accidentally gave me a ticket for 300 instead. Even after finding the website, I still have no idea what that movie is... but I did get to see the right movie in the end and thats really all that matters.

This, of course, means that G-dog was left all alone for 2.5 hours. Damn, if it's not heartbreaking everytime I put him in his room. I've read that Boston Terriers by nature do not like to be alone and he knows already when I'm coaxing him into the room it means alone time for him. So, he runs upstairs or "hides" on the arm of my old couch. And then, once I get him in there and manage to get myself out and close the door, this is what I have to look at:

Do ya see him there in the corner looking all sad and tragic... like being left alone with some toys, a nice bed and fresh food & water is some kind of puppy torture. (sigh) I'm thinking of starting to put him in there for about an hour a day to see if he gets used to it more... plus I might try revamping it a bit. I know he's still a lttle puppy and just not used to being alone but it doesn't make it easier for me. And I HAVE to get away every once in awhile... for sanity's sake.

Speaking of puppy being alone & revamping... I have to run out and get a few things because I'm gonna work on my patio today. Clean it up, rip out the dumb plants, plant some grass, put together my table and that should make a world of difference right there. I am also working on an idea to make it a little more private, too. For those who don't know, it's basically in my neighbor's driveway with only a stupid short fence seperating us - not the best view for sure - plus, since it's basically a museum for addicts, there are always people around (except at night - it's nice and quiet on that side of the house at night as no one actually lives there). Now, they are all very nice as far as I've noticed. But I am, by nature, not one who likes to be bothered by a lot of different people who I don't know. Especially ones who like to talk. A lot. And only about their little museum. Anywho - hopefully the privacy part will be easy enough & cheap enough for me to pull off. We will see how it turns out... I've been dreaming of a little outdoor space since I moved out of my mom's house. And now I have something and even if it's not my ideal, I'm gonna make it work. Because I love love love hanging out outside when it's nice... reading, chilling with friends, napping. Ah... see? I'm relaxing already.

And since I have a lot to do today... I better get started on it all.

Friday, April 06, 2007

Movies! Stress! Just another Friday night...

I just finished watching The US vs. John Lennon, another awesome documentary. I had really wanted to see it when it was in the theater but as usual with any sort of independent/documantary film, I didn't want to drive to Cleveland and then it was in Akron one week but I didn't notice until it was too late. Anyway - it's another movie I would recommend if you are at all a fan of John Lennon or just interested in seeing another example of abuse of power by a bunch of idiots, aka the US government. It's just amazing how not much has changed in 30-some years.

Speaking of movies, there haven't been many new ones catching my eyes these days. But I'm thinking of ditching Goyle in his room (yes, his room) for a couple of hours this weekend and going to see The Namesake. I'm sure puppyhead will not be overly thrilled with that but I'm one stressed out chick these days and chilling in a theater is always something that helps me relax. And I have heard good things about this movie... but we will see if it actually happens.

So what is it about stress? It just infects you and won't let go... And it always seems to hit you from all directions at the exact same time. I'm one of those people who just ingests it and has a really hard time letting it go. Blah. It's my insane sense of responsibility that brings it on the most, I think. I always wonder if I am doing enough, holding up my end of it all, etc. And sometimes I'll just get so frustrated that I give up completely in a situation. But I think that just stresses me out more. It's quite often that my stress is a reaction to other people's actions and how those actions might fuck with others (and yes, honestly, myself). I don't know, maybe that's how it is for everybody... and it's not that I don't have my own issues, they are there and I am aware. But, like, there are things that are just about you and you can deal with that kind of stress a million different ways. And then there are things that affect a lot of people around you and I guess I find that people don't take that into consideration a lot. But maybe I don't either. Maybe I'm just being a giant baby.

But all the causes of stress aside... what do you even do about it? With me, I always just think I need to suck it up and deal with it on my own. Lord forbid, I involve anyone else... If I do, I just end up feeling so much worse. Like, other people have their own shit to deal with, right? And so, if it gets worse... what then? How much can one person really handle? I've seen so many people around me just stop dealing with it... either by stuffing certain things in more (no problem here! {just not healthy}) or by passing it off to other people (just not cool). And I really don't want to go either of those ways... I like to deal with things and move on. But who really knows how the fuck to do that all the time?

Meanwhile, Snickerbutt is super adorable but his little helpless puppyness is it's own brand of stress. Because he is totally relying on me... and I've got to step up and be all responsible for him. But I do know I can handle this... so that's one thing, at least.

Speaking of dealing with stress, I hear sleep can help... so I'm gonna go try that out. A nice long weekend with lots of sleep and all my problems will go away, right? HA! Whatever...